‘I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but i am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter’ – Walt Disney

You know I usually have a preamble to these posts like some story or the other. Today’s a little different. Today’s post is based on what is now becoming an epidemic amongst our generation. The more people I speak to, the more I realise that every tom, dick, Harriett and charity have trust issues.

I am falling under the heavy load of this epidemic. It’s hard to go through the life experiences I’ve gone through and not have these trust issues. In my opinion it’d be foolhardy to do otherwise. I enter every situation be it work or love or what have you, preparing for battle with my bulletproof vest attached, my paranoia antennae permanently up, guns cocked and I am constantly on my guard. I do not give room for mistakes, I’m always over analysing, I am permanently second guessing what the next person is doing and I immediately leap at the signs of any discrepancies…

I am exhausted.

This convoluted path that i have chosen to tread through is leaving me looking like an insecure female who has no skeletons in her closet...not a good look.
It is hard work learning how to trust a person implicitly. It is exhausting to always be on your guard and not allowing people the room to make mistakes. It is unfair to not understand that to be human means we are not infallible. It is emotionally draining to always have no expectations, saying if I have no expectations then I can’t get disappointed.

BULLSHIT!

Regardless of whether or not you have expectations, once the subconscious expectations you have are not met, you will be disappointed!

What gets to me the most with this stance I have in life is, if the other party is a reflection of the way I am, I am immediately on the defensive! ‘Why can’t you trust me?’ ‘I haven’t given you any reason to feel otherwise’ ‘Believe me when I say I will always be there’? Why should he/she believe anything you say when you don’t believe anything he/she says? Why should they expect anything of you when they are constantly being met with a brick wall that is your head?

Trusting a person, believing in them is hard work. I’m not saying lower your guard completely because as we all know there are assholes walking around in the guise of being human beings. So heavens no! What I’m saying is: if you find that thing/person that makes you question whether your stance is worth the risk THEN and only THEN can you allow yourself the room to breathe and allow yourself the luxury of believing again...

Life and death are the black and white of our world. What we do between these two constitutes the plethora of colours that will hopefully make a gorgeous rainbow, one that may yet rise into the sky and make anyone who sees it say ‘he/she lived’

Le Festin De L'Amour

"Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly." ~ M.F.K. Fisher

There's a scene in Sex and the City where one of columnist Carrie's male friends recounts how he met his current lover. It happens while he is doing his weekly shop at the neighbourhood local deli. Anyway, the deli lady gives him some goat’s triple layered matured cheese to sample with a butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth smile saying "This one's from France," she says, "It's made with triple cream." "Delicious," he says licking his lips. Two more samples later and the pair are indulging in a serious bit of tonsil tennis back at his place.

Food and sex share a very cozy relationship. In Laura Esquivel’s book”Like Water for Chocolate “, food becomes the vehicle through which deep emotions, many of them sexual, are released. Aphrodisiacs are commonly associated with food and drink with the premise that their consumption will increase sexual desire. Sometimes it is about the shape of the food: bananas, asparagus, and oysters. Sometimes it’s about taste: chocolate, cream, strawberries and caviar. The thing is the texture, smell and taste of an exotic dish can arouse our senses the same way we become aroused by a sexual partner.



What is this correlation between food, sex and love? There’s no getting away from it. Chocolate ads now come complete with a lover’s embrace and a half naked torso to boot. When you go out on your first date, chances are it’s in a well lit restaurant with a menu to die for and hopefully even if your date himself/herself sucks; the food ends up being your consolation prize. Some foreplay enthusiasts even recommend the incorporation of food into the going on of things e.g. the ever delectable strawberry soaked in milk chocolate teasing your lover’s taste buds, or the versatile can of double whipped cream and warm melted honey drizzled on your lover’s skin, or the clever can of chocolate paint complete with brush for you to paint your lover’s bits with from Ann summer’s! Hands up those who remember that scene where Samantha Jones from Sex and the City covered her lady bits in sushi and awaited her beloved complete with gold manolos and Lorraine Schwartz jewellery?

I’ve always said that the act of feeding your lover is one of the ultimate signs of love. The real link between sex and food is love. Personal confession time- I’ve done a 2 hour train journey to Dolston market from Birmingham to the lover’s home complete with an array of Nigerian foods and did not finish cooking till about 11pm and I’d do it again not for him of course but the act of cooking, sharing and eating food while being intimate is an integral part of the experience.