I know I know I’ve been MIA for a minute. I apologize to those who take the time out to peruse my blog. I’ve been in a dark place to say the least. I have been job searching for the last 3 months and have come to naught and I don’t think I was wired to embrace bumhood quite fully. I honestly have started to lose my mind and morph into this unknown creature. That being said I am ever so grateful for the time out and what not. It allows me to introspect and get to know me much better. So there you have my reason for being MIA.
As you also know most of what I tweet/blog about is gotten from life experiences, and as I have shut myself from the outside world I haven’t really experienced much ‘life’ as it were. On this fateful day however I hung out with my girls. Now, where girls between the ages of ‘ho’ and ‘hum’ gather to have cocktails, the topics range through different spheres but it ALWAYS ends up about men! I truly blame sex and the city for this. The true female emancipation began with Carrie Bradshaw and her love affair with Mr. Big *side bar- hands up who was truly underwhelmed by his name being John Preston*
At some point during our ‘tete a tete,’ I leaned back and looked at my glorious friends, each and every one of us from different walks of life with different aspirations and goals but we all had one unifying theme. We are women. As anti-climatic as that sounds we at that small table could easily be used as an opinion poll to truly discover what women of a certain age want…and you know I did this. We complain on a daily basis about how men are the bane of our existence but most times when my guy friends complain about us women, the poor dears really and truly do not know what we want. So I dedicate this post to the lost men out there; consider this your beacon of light, your lighthouse even.
The things that resonated with most women are enumerated below and I dare say this post lays credence to them. Now this list is by no means exhaustive, I’ve just weeded through the many resources I have to bring forth those that I think are the most important:
WHAT WOMEN WANT
1. A Man- Please reserve your d’ohs and eye rolls for your pocket. A good host of men out there are pansies to say the least. I was having a conversation with one of my friends and she said to me she craves the days when our roles were not so warped and reversed. The days when the man was the sole bread winner, and bringer of the bacon, the woman was but a baby making factory and a caretaker of the home. *sidebar please note that I am not anti-feminist, I am anti men who use the feminist movement to justify their lack of cojones* whatever happened to those days? Men these days rationalize their lack of masculinity and we are expected to adjust and settle and go against our very nature and eventually have to ‘man up.’ Please learn how to be a man. Go back to wood shop and learn how to fix things in the house, be honest and trustworthy, don’t over sentimentalize everything, your emotions should only be shared when necessary,be kind, be loyal, take charge of your home, come back with well laid out plans and you will be followed. Why the heck do you think the women of the Stone Age allowed themselves to be dragged by the hair? The freaking man was man and she felt the need to trust him I would imagine.
2. A Certain Level of Spirituality from Said Man – God first above everything is how I hope we’ve all been raised. That being said the man that any woman would consider as her life partner has to be able to lead the family in prayers and all. The family that prays together stays together. Get closer to God and all good things shall be added unto you.
3. Stability - There is nothing sexier than a man who is able to take care of his woman. A woman is sitting jejely on her own with her Chanel bag and Gucci sunglasses and it’s not like you don’t know, you see these things and you still proceed to pursue her knowing fully well that you cannot accommodate her lifestyle and then you turn around and start bitching about her ‘materialistic ways.’ No one asked you to pursue her; you did so of your own accord. To now turn around and complain of the life she is accustomed to is not only preposterous; it is completely foolhardy of you. In your own way provide for your woman, take care of her, spoil her, be her proverbial knight in shining armor (all this is when necessary of course)
4. Sense of Humor from your friend the man - i need to begin this by saying there is no such thing as 'the friend zone.' you have to be your woman's friend. Many a man has conquered many a woman by their sheer ability to reduce her to a fit of giggles. Nothing in life is ever that serious save for a few instances. That being said please take the time out to extricate yourself from life once in a while to have a laugh and I promise you any woman will be putty in your hands.
5. Aspirations & Goals – a lot of men these days are suffering from ‘poor man’s mentality.’ Poor man’s mentality is when a man does not think he has the ability to be better than what he is; he believes he will always be in the same servitude/level of life till kingdom come. Upward mobility is an attractive trait in a man because it instills in others a sense of reassurance and hope that his ambition will lead him places. This in turn fills your woman with the need to have goals of her own. Have goals, and work towards these goals. It shows potential and honestly most women these days are realist; we know we’re not going to get that dark, broody multi millionaire (in pound sterling oh not naira) but what we do need is a man with a plan, then the multi millions will follow.
These 5 key points are what I garnered from my female collective. Above all be you and be honest. Keep these to heart, apply them with LONG-TERM GOALS in mind (using these points for a one-time thing is utterly abhorrent, imho), and you may find yourself with the answers to a question that has been asked since the time of the Greek philosophers. Why men act as though the answers themselves are in Greek is another question which will be answered another time.
