Friday, April 13, 2012


‘I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but i am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter’ – Walt Disney

You know I usually have a preamble to these posts like some story or the other. Today’s a little different. Today’s post is based on what is now becoming an epidemic amongst our generation. The more people I speak to, the more I realise that every tom, dick, Harriett and charity have trust issues.

I am falling under the heavy load of this epidemic. It’s hard to go through the life experiences I’ve gone through and not have these trust issues. In my opinion it’d be foolhardy to do otherwise. I enter every situation be it work or love or what have you, preparing for battle with my bulletproof vest attached, my paranoia antennae permanently up, guns cocked and I am constantly on my guard. I do not give room for mistakes, I’m always over analysing, I am permanently second guessing what the next person is doing and I immediately leap at the signs of any discrepancies…

I am exhausted.

This convoluted path that i have chosen to tread through is leaving me looking like an insecure female who has no skeletons in her closet...not a good look.
It is hard work learning how to trust a person implicitly. It is exhausting to always be on your guard and not allowing people the room to make mistakes. It is unfair to not understand that to be human means we are not infallible. It is emotionally draining to always have no expectations, saying if I have no expectations then I can’t get disappointed.

BULLSHIT!

Regardless of whether or not you have expectations, once the subconscious expectations you have are not met, you will be disappointed!

What gets to me the most with this stance I have in life is, if the other party is a reflection of the way I am, I am immediately on the defensive! ‘Why can’t you trust me?’ ‘I haven’t given you any reason to feel otherwise’ ‘Believe me when I say I will always be there’? Why should he/she believe anything you say when you don’t believe anything he/she says? Why should they expect anything of you when they are constantly being met with a brick wall that is your head?

Trusting a person, believing in them is hard work. I’m not saying lower your guard completely because as we all know there are assholes walking around in the guise of being human beings. So heavens no! What I’m saying is: if you find that thing/person that makes you question whether your stance is worth the risk THEN and only THEN can you allow yourself the room to breathe and allow yourself the luxury of believing again...

Life and death are the black and white of our world. What we do between these two constitutes the plethora of colours that will hopefully make a gorgeous rainbow, one that may yet rise into the sky and make anyone who sees it say ‘he/she lived’

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