Marriage: Mediocrity and Reliability Results In Aspirations towards Generational Emergency

I’m confused...and that doesn’t happen a lot. I just had a conversation with my 23 year old family friend. She’s 23 years old to reiterate...and she’s been in a relationship with a man for the last 3 years. She’s done nothing but complain about his tired ass the entire time, and he proposed to her and she was excited and this is me, why are you getting married to him if all you’ve done for the last 3 years is complain about his tired ass? She said to me and I quote ‘I may as well’ and dear readers I was beyond gobsmacked! She’s 23 AND she’s settling!!!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, I am so pro wedding it should be illegal... I have already planned my wedding as it were; I know it’s going to be an evening wedding at Landmark with 2 separate tents, a small one for the religious ceremony and a big one for the reception, I know I want action film by MI playing as I dance in (of which I would have consumed a shed load of champagne, those brides that dance in without any qualms deserve medals for bravado alone), I already know what colour combination my wedding is going to be (no I’m not sharing for all you thieves! I searched through several paint palettes to get this combo and I am not sharing)...I could go on and on trust me, so I am very PRO WEDDING. What I am against is the undue pressure being put on women by society to get married and SETTLE just because a GOOD man happens to come along...

I won’t lie I feel the need to be married, oh boy I feel am die. I came across this article by Tracy McMillan entitled ‘Why you’re not married.’ Naturally my Piscean curiosity was piqued and I opened the link expecting to have discovered the Holy Grail to all things marriage...boy, was I wrong! I felt it was complete hogwash! I will enumerate with bullet points each reason why I felt this was utter and complete bollocks.

Reasons she gave as to the lack of mans & why I think they’re hogwash

1. You’re a bitch- Basically, all single women are bitches and the reason men choose to not marry us single ladies is for the simple reason that we’re angry and yelling all the time. Err sorry to burst your bubble Ms McMillan but I am not an angry person in anyway shape or form. I am the complete opposite! I am one of the nicest people I know and refrain from getting angry because I do not want to have all those horrible lines that come from frowning (long term investing, imagine all the money I’ve saved on Botox?)

2. You’re Shallow- she summarised in this point that the only thing a woman should be looking for in a life partner is character, and if you’re still single then chances are that you are indeed shallow and your soul shall be damned to singlehood for all eternity...ok so I have a confession to make. I am somewhat shallow (shut up to my friends reading this). I honestly believe I have been conditioned to think this way by the evil forces that reside in Walt Disney! All the princes were tall, rich, handsome and gobsmitten by the very existence of their princesses. You cannot fault me for having had the same ideals as Disney. However I’ve come to realise that such thinking while it should form the basis of your attraction to a man should not be a requisite as to whether or not you’re going to be with him. Like Tracy McMillan says, ‘this is not the thinking of a wife.’

3. You’re a Slut – yes she damned your soul to hell for having casual relationships because as women, when we have awesome sexual experiences we release a bonding hormone called oxytocin that doesn’t allow us to tell the difference between Prince charming and Mr I come to shag alone....I totally agree with her. Now in my own experiences in order to enjoy sex, I have to have some sort of emotional affiliation with a man, even though he may be full of crap. So I’ve decided to follow the celibacy route as my lady parts cannot do all the thinking for me anymore...

4. You’re a Liar- this is basically us single women lying to ourselves about the level of commitment a man is willing to invest in a relationship. We believe we can change a man into the marrying kind if we just stick to it and give it all we’ve got. This is why so many women stay with guys for 3 years filled with complete unhappiness. I’m not of the school of thought. My happiness is all that matters to me these days and if any man is going to subtract from it, his ass shall be kicked to the curb like a bad habit

5. You’re Selfish – Ms McMillan (who has been married 3 times lest I forget) basically states that because I’m single I am therefore selfish...because I got to the salon and get my hair done and my mani/pedi on therefore I am not marriage material. Of course she’s right! *insert rolling eyes here*

6. You think you’re not good enough- you’re single because you do not think you’re good enough for any man. Any man that comes along has to complete you and not be an addition instead. I have no words for this point...I lack no confidence and have been told by my mother on several occasions that I am shameless.

After reading her article I felt even more confused. On one hand she’s giving out advice and on the other she’s slapping you with the same advice and insulting you with her foot. The Bible actually does not state any particular age where one is to begin the journey towards conjugal bliss. It does not state that if you’re not married by the age of (insert appropriate age here) you will melt like the wicked witch of the west. These age limits by which we live by have resulted in the rate of divorces skyrocketing and women under 30 can now add divorcee to their resume.

Now I don’t blame society, it is what it is; who I do blame are we, for subjecting to the norms of society and putting undue pressure on ourselves to conform. Marriage is not a trending topic we can just comment on and leave when we deem fit. It is one of the most age old institutions that must be entered into with caution, love, hope and a lot of prayers! Marriage is a forever commitment to love someone else UNCONDITIONALLY. That means when he annoys you, when he can’t be the man you married, you have to be his wife FOREVER. Settling for someone because you feel it’s time shouldn’t be a reason you get married.

So to all you women out there getting married to guys just because “you might as well,” really think about what you’re doing. What we’re seeing, in this country in particular, is an increase of young women who get married early and for all the wrong reasons, and this is going to bite us all on the ass in a few years’ time.

So don’t marry a guy because he’s managed to stick around for a while. You probably have furniture that’s been around for longer and, unless you have a really specific kind of fetish, you’re not going to make a commitment to it, no matter how comforting it is.

*sidebar- tracy's post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html *